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There are rules to
follow when thinking about your vows and
certain lines that need be said to make your marriage legal. If your
ceremony
is to be held in a licensed venue (such as a registry office or hotel)
then
your vows must not hold a religious theme or comment, this is because
any
marriage taking place outside a place of worship cannot be seen as a
religious
ceremony. It goes without saying that you cannot include any blasphemy,
bad
language or sexual content.
Registrars
will also have a few ideas of common vows which
you can use, so be creative, talk to you minister or registrar and ask
their
opinion. You will need to agree vows a while before your wedding day so
that
your minister or registrar can prepare in advance.
A humanist
ceremony is a non-denominational service where
you can have lots of flexibility and there is no need to include any
specific
vows at all, this service can be held anywhere but will not be legally
binding
(you will have to hold a short civil ceremony at another time
– either at the
same time or at a later stage – in a licensed venue).
You
can also choose to memorise your vows or have the
minister or registrar prompt you, this is done by saying one line for
you and
asking you to repeat it to your loved one. This is useful if you think
you may
be too nervous to remember your lines! Even if you do memorise your
vows it is
always recommended that you give a copy to your minister or registrar
before
your day so if you do freeze they can help guide you through them. You
can also
hold a copy in your hand and read from them (but this is more to carry).
WHAT
YOU MUST BOTH SAY IN A CIVIL CEREMONY HELD IN ENGLAND OR WALES
TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE LEGAL:
I
do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful
impediment why I ….. may not be joined in matrimony to
….
This is to be
followed by:
I
call upon these persons here present to witness that I …
do take thee … to be my lawful wedded husband/wife
There
is then a legal declaration and you must state one of
the following lines:
I
know of no legal reason why I …. May not be joined in
marriage to ….
OR you can reply
‘I am’ when the registrar asks ‘are you
….
free lawfully to marry …..’
Then the contract
of marriage:
I
take you (or thee) ….. to be my wedded wife/husband
IN
A CIVIL CEREMONY IN SCOTLAND
COUPLES SAY:
I solemnly declare
that I know of no legal impediment why I,
…., may not be joined in matrimony to,…..,
IN
NORTHERN
IRELAND THE STATUTORY
DECLARATION IS:
I know of no
lawful impediment why I, …., may not be joined
in matrimony to, ….., to be my lawful wedded husband/wife.
TOP
TIPS FOR WRITING YOUR OWN VOWS
- Keep
it short and sweet – don’t bore everyone with a
lengthy story
- Remember
that others will witness this so make sure it isn’t too over-
intimate
- Don’t
turn it into a stand up comic show, the words should be from the heart
and have serious meaning. Include perhaps one funny comment like
‘I promise to help with the ironing’
- Talk
through your vows with your official (registrar or minister) to ensure
they are happy with them. They may even be able to make some
suggestions to enhance them
- Do
you want to share your vows with each other before the big day or write
them separately so that it is a surprise on the day? –
remember, though, that you will still need to check with the registrar
or minister. If you decide to write your vows together try to practise
saying them to each other
- Think
about times which are special to you both, talk about your future
together and how special they are to you
- Is
there a song lyric that describes your partner or your love for them
exactly?
- How
does loving your partner make you feel?
A TRADITIONAL CHURCH OF ENGLAND MARRIAGE
CEREMONY WILL FOLLOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
- Welcome
by the minister
- Hymn
– chosen by the couple
- Minister
will address the congregation and ask if anyone knows of any reason why
this couple should not be married
- The
couple make their declarations to each other – this will
include a promise to love, comfort, honour and protect each other to
which you answer ‘I will’
- Then
the couple exchange vows which will contain the following:
- To
have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for
richer, for
poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death us
do
part
- Then
the exchange and blessing of the rings takes place – the
couple will say ‘I give you this ring as a sign of our
marriage’
- Hymns
and readings then follow
- The
signing of the register will take place after this – some
music may be played whilst this is happening
- Prayers
will then be said – usually the Lord’s Prayer will
close the service
- You
may have a third hymn if chosen
A
CATHOLIC CEREMONY
A
Catholic ceremony is much the same as a Church of England ceremony;
however you will have to decide whether you wish to have a full mass.
If you do,
this is usually conducted after the service and registration (signing
of the
register).
A
JEWISH WEDDING
In a Jewish
wedding, the vows, so to speak, are the ketubah,
or wedding contract, signed by the couple before the ceremony.
OTHER
In
some cases, the circumstance surrounding recitation of
the vows is more important even than the content. Couples who have a
strong
belief in astrology may be concerned about waiting for a particular
planetary
alignment to start their marriage in an auspicious way.
Whether
your wedding is a large, formal one, or a small,
intimate one, the ambiance of the ceremony can be enhanced by your
choice and
delivery of your wedding vows.
HERE ARE SOME FURTHER EXAMPLES OF
VOWS OR TRADITIONAL
SPEECHES:
TRADITIONAL IRISH VOW
As light to the
eye, as bread to the hungry,
as joy to the heart, may thy presence be with me
TRADITIONAL IRISH
VOW
Here
is my hand to hold with you,
To bind us for life and grow old with you
ADAPTED FROM
TRADITIONAL PRESBYTERIAN VOWS
I take you in all
love and honour,
In all duty and service
In all faith and tenderness
ADAPTED FROM
TRADITIONAL LUTHERAN VOWS
I enter this
marriage with you knowing that the true magic of
love is not to avoid changes but to navigate them successfully
ADAPTED FROM A
HUMANIST VOW
I give you my hand
and my heart as a sanctuary of warmth and peace
ADAPTED FROM
TRADITIONAL JEWISH VOWS
I promise to love,
cherish and protect, in good fortune and
adversity
ADAPTED FROM A
METHODIST VOW
We
come together to record in the minds and hearts of all
present the ripe event of a love that's bloomed
SOME FINAL THOUGHTS:
I promise to love,
honour and ….
- …never
to go to bed angry.
- …fight
fair at all times.
- …respect
you always
- …support
you
- …pay
attention to you
- …do
my share of the housework
- …walk
the dog every day
GOOD LUCK!
Information courtesy of Isabella Weddings – Wedding and Event Planners
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